well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
