Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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