Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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