she looked like the before picture.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
