Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
