Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
