Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
