she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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