College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
