I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
