i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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