I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
