I think I died a long time ago.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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