is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As shirtless as possible
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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