He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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