Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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