i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize