Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sext me about skeletons
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
