just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
