Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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