Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
