i wish my penis had a tongue
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My liver just had a heart attack.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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