Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
