all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
