woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
