I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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