drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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