But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
