Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
