First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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