Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
