Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
