ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
