So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
