Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
