It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
