oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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