My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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