she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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