Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
