I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
