thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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