At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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