If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
