hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
