sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
soo... how was my night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
