just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
