Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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