TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
