I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i now understand why vodka
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
