you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
