Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She told me I should be a condom model.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
