Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
