she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
