Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
