I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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