Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
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Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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