Screwed.edu
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
did i walk over a car last night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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