Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
