guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You're like the curious george of whores
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
