I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
