And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
