In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
