my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
