I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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