She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
