Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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