I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
