I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
